Sunday, January 18, 2015

Meanwhile, In An Uncertain Universe …

Sheesh! Looks like I kinda forgot I have a blog.

My prediction for the year appears to have been fairly accurate so far.
First, my alarm clock told me to die.
Really! I looked at the thing last Tuesday and the date doohickey said "DIE". It freaked me out for a second or three, but I decided that maybe it had evolved its own personality and was entitled to its opinion.
It was only when it told me to "MIT" the following morning that I realised I'd dropped it and the thing had reverted to German. I'm keeping it like that so it can tell me to die every Tuesday morning.

So anyhoo … the crappy new year now finds me vomiting blood and pooing it, too, so I'm going to have my own live TV show: "Inside Old Dive's Squishy Bits" to find out what's going on in there. Best diagnosis is just bleeding stomach ulcers so that's what I'm rooting for. I'll let you know.

In the meantime, this (from the unutterably splendid xkcd) made me giggle disproportionately. I do love a good physics joke.


Thursday, January 01, 2015

Another Year?

Another one? Where do these bloody things keep coming from? They're worse than Reader's Digest.
Having received an unbroken run of five spectacularly shitty years I suppose this next one will follow suit and head straight for hell in a handcart.
Hey ho.

As for resolutions for 2015:
I hereby resolve to get older and bitchier, to be more cynical, drink too much coffee, read books, moan about politics, mercilessly mock religion, swear a lot, read more books, jest in a most unseemly manner, spend money I do not have, act in as ungracious and curmudgeonly a fashion as is humanly possible and generally to fail dismally at love and life; resolutions I am confident of achieving with flying colours.
Happy crappy new year, peeps.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Thems Is My Kinda Pastries

Many thanks to the lovely Drew of "The Worst Things For Sale" for pointing me at this awesome Christmas gift for the kids.
Drew is the man who brought the world this …

Merry Christmas, one and all. I'm off to make some festive fuck-pastries.

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Miracle of Christmas

 A very merry drunken family feuding season from the patron saint of disappointing gifts: Old Dive.

Wednesday, December 03, 2014

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Friday, November 28, 2014

Yet More B&W

This would make a jigsaw puzzle from hell.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Fashion Victim

Stiletto heels and fifteenth century elm floorboards do not a happy couple make.
No idea why in Yoda-speak I am writing but hey ho.